Hey there Peaches!
If you have been reading this blog for a while you know that I struggled with anorexia and then bulimia for 17 years. I am so bad about blogging about it even though I really want to! I am going to though, I promise. I always knew that one day when I was past it I would tell my story so that someone else may not struggle as long. But for me, it’s so much easier to write about my current state instead of my past because my current state is fresh in my mind. And it’s crazy that even though it was a 17 year struggle, it isn’t fresh in my mind! In fact, it doesn’t even feel like it was me at all.
Anyway, I always wanted an anniversary date. I would get so fed up some days and tell myself that I was done. I had finally had enough and tomorrow was going to be my fresh new healthy start, and I would turn from my disordered ways and never look back. I was going to remember that day that I never looked back and celebrate it every year. There were so many of those “new beginnings”. Then some days I felt like I would never have an anniversary because I would never be able to let go.
Well here I am, healed.
I have no idea what day this happened because it didn’t happen how I wanted it to. It wasn’t that I woke up one day, started fresh and clean and never looked back. It was failure after failure and failure after failure (this could go on…), lesson after lesson after lesson, YEARS of praying, and never giving up hope that one day I could not center my world around food and my body. I really don’t know when it ended for good. I just know that it was really bad for 17 years. But it did, in fact, end for good. If you are reading this right now and going through the struggle, know that it is very possible to be 100% better no matter how long it’s been..
I have no clue what my anniversary day is…….. but I still want one!
So I am going to open my calendar and whatever month I open to, I will close my eyes and point to a day. I’m going to do this right now……
My eating disorder recovery anniversary is May 15, still don’t know the year. But I’m gonna celebrate! 🙂
Do you have a unique important date that you celebrate each year?