Happy National Eating Disorder Awareness Day!
Ugh, it’s so hard for me to write these posts because I have SO MUCH to say. I can’t just say nothing though, so I am going to do my best to condense my thoughts into these blog posts until the season comes when I have time to write a book. Today I am just going to lay it all out there. I find myself apprehensive to tell my story because I do not want someone who is still struggling to read it and feel discouraged if they are not a Christian. Because the truth is that for 17 years I struggled and fought and tried my damnedest to get better but couldn’t. But there came a time where my mind was changed and it was God that did that.
So there it is, read further if you wish.
I am a Masterpiece
I struggled with anorexia and then bulimia for 17 years. Some of you may read this blog and wonder how I am able to still have a strong focus on fitness and even set weight loss goals after having my baby when I struggled with eating disorders for so long. It’s because of my mindset. My mind has been changed. I can 100% without a doubt say that my worth does not come from my weight or my body or the way I look. For years, I would get sick of of the bondage, I would set up my healthy plan, I would pray to God, and even proclaim to everyone that I knew that the eating disorder was in the past and I was healed. This would only result in me feeling even worse when I fell back into it again and the fear of never getting better just grew more and more intense.
Looking back, I see the things that God used to change my mind. I wish for all of you that you get to really fail a few good times in life. And I mean really really embarrass yourself. Last week I wrote about my past in a post titled Sunday Thoughts. In that post I listed several of my big mess ups. And I didn’t just do those things half way. I did those things all the way. I cannot convey to you the magnitude of my mess ups. My biggest accomplishment in life is failing. And I hope that all of you get the chance to really eat it too. Sorry, but it’s because once you really make a complete fool out of yourself time and time and time again, you reach a point where it doesn’t bother you anymore. And then the possibilities are endless! If you were not afraid of what people would think of you or say to you, what would you do? Wouldn’t it be so neat to live without abandon?
I love you, but I could care less what you think about my beliefs, the way I raise my kids (proud formula feeder here), what you think about my lifestyle, or what you think about the way I look.
But I do care what God thinks. I fell in love with Proverbs 31 while pregnant with Ryan. I know a lot of women read it and think that it’s impossible but I know that everything is possible when Christ does it through you. I want to serve my family, I want to work hard, I want to help others. I want these things and this is my prayer everyday.
And so because my purpose is to serve the Lord, I do not look at myself and point out all of the flaws. In fact, I don’t even see them. In fact, I look at myself and know it is totally ok to say to myself “Wow. You are really beautiful.” And I unapologetically think that I am really beautiful because I did not make me. God did. And I am a masterpiece.
We all go to museums and look at these spectacular works of art. We marvel at them because every single one is different and unique in it’s own way. We admire the differences, even the ones that over time have been chipped or damaged because they tell a story. They have depth that is sometimes tragic yet fascinating.
You are a masterpiece. You did not make you. Take care of yourself today because you are precious and priceless.
You are really beautiful.