Newish Mom Struggling With Your Thoughts? Reach out!

Newish Mom Struggling With Your Thoughts? Reach out!

Good morning!

When I became a Beachbody coach back in August 2016, I was then made part of Team Race2serve. I have mentioned my coach Caren on here a few times but I don’t know how often I have mentioned the actual team. I have had a lot of fun being on Team Race2serve and have been extremely surprised at the joy that it has brought to my life being that I am to the core an introvert. I am aware that I do not come across as an introvert, I am the INFJ personality type which means exactly that. I am an introvert that appears to be an extrovert. Anyway, enough about that. I just want to make it clear that joining a team was definitely not in my comfort zone but I am so glad I did! What a blessing it is to be a part of a group of women with the same passions and goals as yourself! Since last August, being a part of Team Race2serve has been nothing but a joy to say the least.

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But last night, Team Race2serve was something different.

As you all know, I have two kids.

Anna is 8 months old……….and I suffer from severe postpartum depression.

I experienced it after Ryan was born as well. Day after day I am consumed with horrific thoughts and visions of terrible things happening to the children. I expected that I might experience this again after the last pregnancy but it’s so weird how your mind takes over and while you know what you experienced before you still find yourself yet again paralyzed in fear to the point of being physically ill.

WHY is this not talked about?! It seems like we aren’t afraid to discuss all of the other unpleasantries of postpartum life but this is something that is definitely not discussed as often.  I honestly think that those of us who suffer with this are afraid to say anything because one, we have a fear of our thoughts actually coming true, and two, we think people will think that we are crazy! And maybe we are, but if we don’t make it known that this is something that can happen, I can totally understand how some families experience devastating outcomes. When you are constantly in full belief that something devastating is about to happen, you can only take so much!

So last night we had a team call for Beachbody. These past two weeks have been utterly terrifying in my mind. It seems ridiculous to talk about because there are very real and awful things happening all the time and here I am absolutely paralyzed with fear over the “what if”. I knew I didn’t have much to offer to the team call last night but honestly I just wanted to hear the girl’s voices and be in touch with reality for a little while. After Caren was finished with the content for the call, she asked us to share our highs and lows of the week. When my turn came, I couldn’t get any words out without crying and felt like an idiot for even joining the team call. But man, did they just surround me with love. They even prayed for me! Thank God for technology. I went to bed last night with more peace than I have had in a very long time.

I am sharing this for a few reasons. I want other women out there who may not know what they are experiencing to know that postpartum depression is something much more than just some sad feelings after the baby is born. I also want women to know that as much as it seems like they are alone, they are not. When you are experiencing the terrors that seem so real it is hard to imagine that other women would go through the same thing and not say something. But we don’t say anything in fear of sounding like a lunatic! So I am saying something. I also want to share because you can have a very deep love for the Lord and still experience this. After last night’s call, I realized that God gives us a need to be with others. We are not supposed to go it alone. If you are struggling with this and you are like me, you feel the need to isolate. But you have to reach out! You will be so glad you did.

Obviously, I am not over all of this and I will definitely keep you posted on my progress but I had to get this out there for anyone else going through this as well.

You are not alone. And sweet mama, reach out!

Here is a link to the symptoms of postpartum depression/anxiety.

Postpartum Depression Symptoms

Please check it out if you have had a baby within the past two years and are having a hard time managing your thoughts. That is one thing I didn’t know, PPD can hit even 2 YEARS after having your baby!

I hope this finds you well but if not, I hope it brings you some light.

Have a great weekend everyone!

 

 

5 thoughts on “Newish Mom Struggling With Your Thoughts? Reach out!

  1. Oh Angela! I’m praying for you too! I didn’t have PPD, thank the Lord, but I can tell you, I NEVER had any anxiety before having my son, and now I worry like nobody’s business! What if’s kill me!! This past Tuesday was our school budget vote, and my son’s school is a polling site, but they don’t close the school. All day I just had these terrible visions of evil people attaching the school, images in my head of what the fear on my son’s face would look like, thoughts of him dying, and what would I do if that happened. It was terrible. I almost went and picked him up. But then I just stopped and prayed. I refuse to live in fear! That is not what He created us for! We should live freely in His joy and love! So I carried on, and all is fine. You are not alone! I love you and I’m here for you and you can always call me too if you need to! (Now I’m crying). I am so thankful you to posted this because I needed this too and you made me realize I’m not alone either. From your fellow INFJ, alone feels comfortable, but we were made to need each other, and I’m so glad I found you!! Xoxo!😘

    1. Thank you Anne!!! You may have not had postpartum depression but you definitely had something terrifying!
      Ugh, YES! when you become a mom it’s so hard not to have thoughts like that. And you’re right, we have to trust God and know that everything is in His control not ours. With PPD, I just am CONSTANTLY focusing on what I know is true yet still feeling the sadness, pit in my stomach, even trembling! It’s exhausting and sometimes my thoughts just get so intense. That’s why I know it’s important to not isolate. But I kept thinking that I had to isolate to deal with it all.
      Aw I love you INFJ twin!!! I am so glad to have you and the ladies here in my life. xoxoxox

  2. Angela, I feel for you. I’m glad you know you struggle with this. It makes more sense and I believe easier to overcome when you actually know and admit. I don’t know if I suffered ppd but I sure did worry about EVERYTHING ! It did consume me. I just wanted my daughter to grow up quickly as then certain fears would be over. When she was a newborn, I wished she was six months. When six months I wished a year. Etc. I just wanted over for all obstacles of raising a child. Well, those obstacles never go away. She will soon be 22 and I still worry and her life still takes over mine. It is what we carry as a Mom. Some are able to let go. I tell myself every single day, it is her life and she will be fine. She now calls me every day. I know pretty much everything about her life. Some, I wish I didn’t. She actually just made her call for today. This call ended by her stating she didn’t want to talk to me any longer and she hung up. Well, truthfully, I felt the same way as she can totally be unpleasant to talk with. Especially when I’m not agreeing with her. I had stated that I was not going to continue conversation as she was being rude and arguing with me. She was eating vegan. Felt great. Lost weight. Live in boyfriend of a fifteen months left during this time. Result…more weight loss. Now, a month later. She has been out and about. Drinking and eating a non vegan diet. Well, guess what. Weight gain and feeling sick ! Um…writings on the wall here. She totally feels drinking has NOTHING to do with how she feels. Really ??? A male friend of hers has taken her out to dinner most every single night for a month. And, he is a drinker 😖, so she has increased her consumption as well. Late nights, stress, food choices and drinking have EVERYTHING to do with how you feel. It actually just makes me furious. You are not alone with worries of your children. I think it is just the way some Moms are. Always fearing. Wanting to totally protect our children.
    Annie, I felt the same with situations like your. I even frowned her going on field trips if the highway was needed to be the route of destination. And, if I visited the school and the doors were unlocked, I feared the potential take over by bad people. When she was in kindergarten, it was the first classroom from front doors. This totally gave me fear ! Also when she would go with her Dad for their yearly visit to the amusement park. Talk about stress ! Not that he was incapable of taking care of her but men are just a little less worried about what can happen. Just remember…everything most always turns out perfectly fine. It’s tough being a MOM 😁😜.

    1. Mary……. This doesn’t make me feel better at all. 😂🤣 I hope you guys make up! Ugh, I was THE WORST teenager. If you are looking for me I will be binge watching Gilmore Girls 😂😂😂
      I love eating vegan too! It’s weird, it just feels right. I hope she goes back to it and is able to cut out the drinking a bit.
      She’ll come around ❤️
      But oh my gosh you are right that it’s tough being a mom 😱

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