Last year I wrote the post My Eating Disorder Recovery Anniversary. I wrote about how I had always wanted an actual day to celebrate my recovery. But since there was never one specific day that I just woke up and was all better (it was a gradual process), I opened the calendar and put my finger on a day that would be the “recovery anniversary” that I celebrated each year. That day was May 15th, two days ago.
When the 15th came, I did think about my recovery. I was very thankful to the Lord for bringing me through it. But I thought about something else very important that I need to share with you today.
When I wrote that post last year, I had come a long way. My desires had changed. I wanted to be fit not skinny. I never starved myself, I had what I thought was a healthy relationship with exercise.
But in that post, I said this: “But it did, in fact, end for good. If you are reading this right now and going through the struggle, know that it is very possible to be 100% better no matter how long it’s been..”
This statement is completely true. But unbeknownst to me, it was not true then. I was worlds better than I was. I was not dying of bulimia. I wasn’t starving myself. I was fine with eating junk on occasion. I had healthy eating days. I had days where I overate. While this is normal and good, my mind and heart were still not right. I still had my identity in the wrong place. I was “the fit girl” but Philippians 1:21 did not apply to me.
For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Philippians 1:21
There have been times in my life where I have said God did this or that, or “God told me”. But today I have to say that when God moves in your life there is no question that it is Him. It is unmistakably God. You will know without a doubt what it means to be a completely new creation in Christ.
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corinthians 5:17
So while last year, I had many band-aids covering my wounds and making life livable at the moment, I was not a new creation.
Know this, when God moves, you will be changed. Your thoughts will be different. Your desires will be different. You will be different. Life will seem strange to you at first because it is a whole new one. But there will be no question in your mind that the Maker of the universe has come near to you.